apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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