is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
MIDGETS
????
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
