I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
