OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
