Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
