you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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