yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize