If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
