first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
