Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
