i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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