I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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