She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
