the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
