Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
