we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
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I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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