She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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