I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
