Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize