The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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