my phone needs a breathalizer
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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