I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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