I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
