I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
