billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my being single is dangerous.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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