I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
