too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
