Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
