i can't believe i had my finger in that
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
