If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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