guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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