I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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