We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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