I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
