Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize