I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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