Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
