He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
