I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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