I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
