dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
home. puking in laundry basket.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
