RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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