You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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