If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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