From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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