I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
