Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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