You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
