I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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