I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
