the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
