I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
