I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
