Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
honey bunches of taint.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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