I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
