hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
