First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
