Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
