But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
