You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
