the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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