I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I believe in your delicious
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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