Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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