So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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