Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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