dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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