spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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