I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
