the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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